Breathing Underwater

Nick writes his poem for English class about Tom without meaning to. He tries writing something different but can only think of Caitlin. He blames the journal for making him remember and convinces himself that if he had told Tom the truth about his father, Tom would have laughed at him.

He continues writing about Caitlin despite knowing that where the story is going makes him uncomfortable. On their way home from Key West, as they drove over a bridge, Caitlin reminded Nick of how he had humiliated her at the bar. She said he became a different person sometimes and disrespected her. Sensing that she was going to break up with him, he swerved the car and almost crashed several times. As he drove, he told Caitlin that his mother had abandoned him because of his father’s abuse, and Nick blamed her for leaving him with “the monster.” He said life without Caitlin would be meaningless and swerved to go over the bridge into the water. Caitlin screamed and turned the steering wheel, making the car go left into traffic. He punched her for the first time to get her away from the wheel. Immediately after, Nick blamed her for overreacting and tried to laugh off what had happened. He promised to buy her a ring to symbolize his love. 

Miss Higgins has the students recite their poems. Elsa’s poem is very obviously about Nick. Nick refuses to read his poem about Tom even though a failing grade will anger his father. After class, he gives Miss Higgins his poem, hoping to receive credit. When he exits the classroom, Saint punches him in the face.

Nick flashes back to the morning after he hit Caitlin. He caught her as she walked to school alone and noticed she unsuccessfully tried covering her red eye with makeup. She told him she could not see him anymore and ran away as he chased her. He begged her to give him another chance, promising to change. When she walked away to join their friends, he felt left out and desperate to get her back.

Nick looks at the black eye that Saint gave him as Tom stood by. They told him to stop calling and speaking to Caitlin. Nick admits he felt like his father in that moment, calm while Saint was furious. Nick tears up the picture of Tom he has on his mirror.

In the same flashback as the previous chapter, Nick camped outside Caitlin’s house instead of going to school. When she arrived home with Elsa, she once again told Nick to leave her alone. He gave her a small ring box and begged on his knees for her to open it. She eventually did; it was an amethyst ring, the ring that Nick has been fingering in his pocket throughout the novel. Despite Elsa’s protests, Caitlin put on the ring, and Elsa left in frustration. Caitlin’s mother came outside, criticized her hair, and demanded Caitlin give the ring back. In defiance of her mother, Caitlin kept the ring as her mother pulled her inside. Through her bedroom window, Caitlin promised to keep the ring and forgave Nick. Nick promised not to hit her again.

Nick is at a bar with Leo, and he calls Caitlin again. He notices she sounds different and realizes it is his fault. She asks him to leave her alone, so he hangs up. Leo is kissing a woman as her friend flirts with Nick, who suddenly wonders why he is even there. He almost calls Mario before changing his mind.

The next morning, Nick reaches for is his journal; he is over the word count but wants to finish his story. He recalls trying to be the perfect boyfriend after Caitlin gave him another chance. He was second guessing himself, hoping he was doing the right thing. Tom was being praised as a star football player after making a bet with Liana. When Caitlin’s choir teacher suggested she do a solo at the winter concert, Nick discouraged her from agreeing to do it because he was once again afraid that she would get too much attention and spend time away from him. She saw him clench his fist, so she agreed not to do it.

Miss Higgins asks Nick why he has a black eye, revealing that she has noticed a pattern of absences and injuries in his class record. She thinks someone at home is hurting him, but he denies it. She does not believe him, and Nick pretends to be fine while panicking inside. He knows his father will get more violent if she reports him.

Nick’s flashback in this chapter is about his father. He remembers one evening when his father had been drinking; Nick knows that when he hears ice cubes clinking in a glass, his father is about to get violently drunk. That night, his father confronted Nick about a condom he had found in his room. Nick expected a beating, but instead, his father congratulated him. Nick was angry that having sex was what made his father proud of him. His father poured Nick a drink to celebrate and gave him money to buy birth control pills for Caitlin. He told him that condoms do not work because Nick was conceived despite his parents’ using one. We learn that he believes Nick was a mistake he made in his youth with a woman he hates. Before Nick left the room, his father told Nick he was a “tough little bastard” like him who demanded to be born (Loc 2431). 

Nick finds Miss Higgins has left a letter on his desk. The letter is addressed to Nick’s father and is a thinly veiled threat suggesting that she knows about the abuse. Nick now knows that Miss Higgins will not report the situation but still wants to help him. The letter also calls Nick a brilliant and innovative student, a compliment Nick has trouble believing. When he meets with her, she reveals she also knows about Caitlin’s restraining order. She tells him that making a mistake does not make him a bad person. She compliments his poem and suggests he submit it to the school’s literary journal, which she runs. After he declines, she tells him he should rethink the image he has cultivated at school. As he leaves, he imagines himself as a beatnik poet because her words have moved him to start believing he is a good writer.

Later, Nick realizes he feels proud of his poem; the feeling is new to him. In his journal, he writes about when he escaped his father by going to Tom’s house, his second home. He lied and told Tom his father was with a woman at home. Tom had a bunk bed because Nick slept over so often. As they lay in bed, Nick suddenly felt the urge to tell Tom everything, but instead he asked if Tom and his father ever argued. Tom talked about his father’s expectations for him and asked about Nick’s father. Nick decided Tom would think he was weak if he told him the truth, so he simply said his father was never home. Now, Nick wonders if he made a mistake not confiding in Tom that night.