Redefining realness: My path to womanhood, identity, love, & so much more

Mock is back at Aaron’s apartment, explaining to him her identity as a trans woman. Aaron is silent as the truth hangs suspended between them. Mock thinks about heroines in the novels she read as a teenager and how they relate to her positionality. Aaron asks to hug her, and “for the first time in my life, I was recognized in totality” (246). While attending college, Mock had been openly trans and when she went to bars, sometimes guys were told about her identity and they would be confused and angry. In New York, no one knew that she was trans, and Mock was very particular about who she disclosed to. She did not feel like it was anyone’s right to know that she was trans because she felt that that identity would consume other aspects of her identity, and she was too busy on her path to self-discovery of these other aspects. She discusses how her identities have shaped her experience, and the discrimination and microagressions other people have participated in. She understands that she has erased some parts of her identity.

Mock’s relationship with Aaron is complicated, much like her path to discovering her identity: “Aaron refused to commit to me, and I refused to let him go” (250).