71 pages 2 hours read

Amber Smith

The Way I Used to Be

Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2016

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Themes

The Life-Altering Aftermath of Rape

In The Way I Used to Be, the author builds empathy for victims of sexual assault by putting the reader squarely in the shoes of Eden, a rape survivor. This tactic is most evident in Chapter 1, when the point-of-view switches from first-person to second-person: “Ignore the taste in your mouth, the sticky dampness of the sheets, the fire radiating through your thighs, the nauseating pain—this bulletlike thing that ripped through you and got lodged in your gut somehow” (1). However, the bulk of the novel is written in a first-person perspective, which gives the reader an intimate awareness of Eden’s internal pain, chaos, and confusion, all of which stems from her sexual assault.

The novel is structured to show exactly how Eden’s rape affects the course of her life. From the moment the incident happens, Eden feels as though she cannot be freed from its devastating effect on her: “His [Kevin’s] fingerprints not only all over every inch of me, but all over everything: this house, my life, the world—infected with him” (6). Through Eden’s inner monologue, the author also shows Eden’s rationale for choosing to remain silent about the rape. There are many moments when Eden comes close to telling her secret.